Some of my experiences raising a spiritual child

In case you doubt my qualifications under this heading, please allow me to give the perfect reference material: (and I quote from my son’s own hand)

“Thank you for everything Mum, I say gratitude every day for what I have and what I am and you made me what I am.”

And, “You have so much good experience and know how to mother just enough, but not overdo it.  You are a shining example of the perfect Mum and I’m glad we have the connection we have!”   (Letters from my son, after leaving home.)

The single most important thing that I remembered from my early childhood was that if you didn’t have anyone to play with, you were sunk!  But if you could command even one parent’s, or sibling’s, attention, even for a short space of time, then it made you happy, validated your existence, started you off on a game, or a line of inquiry, and you were set for hours!

Being a solo-parent, I felt a real responsibility to fulfill this role of play-mate, or at least interested companion, for as long as it was required by Marichi.  From the days of “Play-School”, through various manic obsessions: Thomas the Tank, Batman, Ninja-Turtles, Lego, basketball, Star Wars, basketball, Dragon-Ball, some cricket and soccer, and more basketball etc. This of course, meant a real commitment of time and energy.  If Marichi wanted to play, even from a very young age, then I tried to give him at least a small amount of time before I attended to other pressing priorities.

 Sri Chinmoy bears out this theory, as I recall reading from his writings (paraphrased) – “if you tell your child to go and play with something, at that time you should not be cooking or doing something else, you should also play with the child.”   (For Sri Chinmoy's writings on children, please refer to Sri Chinmoy Library)  I guess the important thing is to make the child feel loved and wanted, not that they are in the way, or in any way a nuisance, an obstacle or an obligation.  This interaction can have a very significant effect on a child’s sense of esteem and self-worth later on in life. 

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 I would always urge people to use popular children’s culture to reinforce spiritual ideas.  This means of course that you have to make some effort to understand it, and see the positives through their own eyes.  Initially, for instance, I was horrified by the wave of sensation created by the Ninja Turtles, among four to five year olds!  When I finally gave in and saw the film and t.v. show through Marichi’s eyes, I discovered that they had a Master, not only that, he taught them meditation!  I used this to re-inforce things that I was practicing in our own family environment.   

 The Star Wars films gave me the same opportunity to equate the Supreme - God’s Light and Love power with “The Force”.   And again the idea of the Master, which is so foreign to western culture, was raised in a perfect context for Marichi to understand and relate to.

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God is inside your heart

I always told Marichi about God, and his spiritual Master, our Guru.  He would ask innocent questions, “Where is God” and so on.  I always told him that God was inside his heart, even from a very young age.  Sri Chinmoy says to tell your child that God is also a child, and he is waiting to play with us at every moment.  

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A matter of choice

At each stage when Marichi needed to make a decision about, or make a commitment to his spiritual life, I always emphasized that it was his own choice.  I made sure that I gave my opinion, the advantages and disadvantages of this way or that way, and then I would give him space to think things over in his own time.  There were times when he would tell me to “back off” – one occasion that comes to mind, when he was starting to listen to popular music -  he knew, he insisted, what was inspiring, and what was not!  I had to learn to have confidence in him, and to respect that he would have his own way of living his spiritual experience.