Aspiration Ambition and Amnesia

“The outer education Is A fleeting knowledge.” “The inner education Is A lasting experience.” - Sri Chinmoy Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees 35,781 & 35,782

This is not a spiritual story, but perhaps parallels can be drawn between it and the spiritual life.

At university I had a brief meeting with a tutor one afternoon, which changed the course of my educational fate. I was taking an intensive two-year business degree course, rather than the traditional three or four years, so I pretty much had my work cut out just passing my exams. It looked roughly like I was heading for an upper second grade though, and I would have been delighted with that.

Part of my course was a compulsory Financial Management module, which definitely didn’t hold that much appeal for me. I thought my tutor was calling me into his office to tell me I needed to pay more attention in his classes or something, but I was shocked by his opening gambit. He said he thought I would make a fine financial journalist, as my grasp of the subject was most commendable. An unusual blend of pride and horror came over me. I gripped my chair so as not to encounter an abrupt introduction to the floor. He said if I read around the subject a little more I could easily get a First (the highest grade). He had been studying my grades in other subjects even more closely than I had, and had realised that a First in Financial Management would probably tip the balance of my overall degree grade. I would never have dared to imagine getting a first class honours degree in only two years. Could it be that simple?

Turns out it was; his prediction was right. I only had one week off from studies in the whole two years, but I wisely spent it in Rome eating pizza and ice cream, so that kept me going for quite a while. I could list several things I would rather have been doing other than trawling through those dreary journals (watching paint drying, counting grains of sand, moving sacks of coal…), but if I had the capacity to get a First, I thought it would be ridiculous not to try, even if the thought of being a financial journalist didn’t exactly thrill me.

I remember greeting this tutor outside the hall where I was graduating and thanking him profusely for his inspiration. I seem to remember I was pretty emotional at that time because getting a First had become a really big deal to me. I was about ready to give him all the credit for my grade because of his inspiration. It appeared though that he could not even remember the meeting that had impressed me so deeply, and politely shrugged it off. He was just doing what he felt inspired to do as part of his everyday duties, and it made no impression on his memory whatsoever.

Nowadays the grade and the degree mean almost nothing to me. I’m sure lots of people will say that they can’t remember much of what they learned at college, let alone actually use the stuff they can remember. I remember the experience of working hard for the result I wanted though, and it’s mainly that which reminds me of this story again and again. If I ever doubt my own capacity, I remember what became possible in those two years, and I feel stronger. Also, and more importantly, it reminds me of how others can see capacities in us that we don’t know we have, and simply through encouragement can bring them out.

Ironically, it was the economic climate that inspired me to go to university and study business in the first place; I thought it would stand me in good stead in the employment market. As a stopgap, I ended up taking a very simple and poorly paid job, but actually got stuck there for a couple of years. I worked as a number cruncher, providing historical analysis to buyers in a London fashion office. Every day, I passed a specialist running shop literally across the road from the office. My brother is an excellent runner, and I thought the shop looked splendid, so I made sure I mentioned it to him. I felt suitably chastised when he replied:

“Everyone knows Run and Become; I get stuff from there all the time.”

Little did I know that I was living out my most miserable working existence so close to the business which would ultimately provide me with my current working existence: by far my happiest.

Sumangali Morhall
November 2004