Forgiveness

When I came to New York for the first or second time, I was dying to get more attention from Guru on the outer plane. When I inwardly caught myself thinking such childish things, I knew it was not good, but I still wanted attention. One day, when I was taking prasad, Guru said my name. He did not call me, but just said my name aloud. After that, every time I went to take prasad, I inwardly begged Guru to say my name again, and Guru did so very often. One day I realised that Guru was just reading my mind and showering me with his infinite compassion and grace. The next time I went for prasad, I again started asking Guru inwardly to say my name. When I was in front of Guru, he said my name with an intonation as if he was doing heavy work and in spite of being tired, he was still doing it because I asked him to. I was shocked by that intonation. I realised that Guru hears all my thoughts, and I felt ashamed that I was demanding Guru's outer attention all the time and giving practically nothing to him in return. This experience taught me that Guru, like a loving father, fulfils all the demands of his spoiled children-disciples. When I read later in Guru's books that a spiritual Master serves his disciples, I clearly saw what it meant, and I prayed for Guru's forgiveness.

Lotika (Moscow)